Why Communication Matters (Part 2)
Listen your way to success
The single most important key to success is to be a good listener — Kelly Wearstler
Remember that the predominant part of being a good communicator is being a good listener. Listening is not a ‘passive” skill but a “receptive” one that requires as much attention and mental activity as speaking.
Listening is a crucial skill that is worth a whole book. However, I will confine myself to a couple of write-ups with reference to its types, importance and how it facilitates success in various contexts. Remember that listening is not just the act of your eardrums receiving the audio signals — that is called hearing — listening is actively absorbing and processing and making sense out of the audio signals sent — the former is an ability while the latter is a skill.
There are different types of listening:
I am sure you will by now have understood that the focus of this write-up is active listening! It is important to bear in mind that attitude, attention, and adjustment are the key to effective, active listening. I need not necessarily mention about the listening attitude of teens when their parents' advise, the attention to listening that many students pay in a class and the adjustment that many of us make in lending an empathetic ear to the needy and invalid.
So, what are the signs of good listening?
i. Eyes focused on the speaker
ii. Ears open to the speaker’s words
iii. Hands not engaged
iv. Feet still
v. Head nodding either in approval or disapproval
vi. The body inclined towards the speaker
Let us now look at a few useful techniques to adapt good listening habits:
i. Establish rapport with the speaker: For good communication to take place, it is first important to develop a good relationship with the speaker.
This is usually facilitated by all of the above aspects of body language.
ii. Listen patiently and carefully: Listen to the speaker to understand his/her issues/problems not just to respond.
This is a very crucial part of listening. Listening only to prepare yourself for a response is not a smart move because half of the time your mind will be working on the solution. Consequently, you might indulge in what I would term as a “blunder” — interrupting the speaker in between. Stephen R Covey has rightly pointed out that “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
iii. Show concern: As an active listener, you demonstrate through your responses that you are genuinely involved in what the speaker utters.
It could be words showing empathy (a, b) or some kind of verbal acknowledgement or affirmation (c, d, e)
Examples
a. “I know, this would have caused a lot of anxiety to you and your family”
b. “I am sorry that we disappointed you”
c. “Thanks for your time”
d. “Sure, I understand”
e. “We are there to help you”
iv. Clarify: If you are unsure of something that the speaker states, clarify your doubts by reiterating the problem and reassuring.
Examples
a. “I understand that the author is very unhappy, and he has asked for an explanation for the errors in the published version of the book; I will get the project manager to speak to him tomorrow”
b. “We understand that you are very disappointed about a couple of bugs in the software and you expect this to be fixed, latest by the third week of February. We will involve a senior developer to take over this and also arrange for a training program for all our developers.”
v. Ask questions: You can ask open-ended questions to obtain clarity as to what is expected of you.
Examples
a. “While we appreciate the expectation you have around this app, can you let us know what exactly your customers are unhappy about — the technical stack or the look and feel of it?”
b. “Do you think tweaking the workflow would help?”
c. “I understand the current situation is intolerable for you, what help do you expect from us?”
d. “What changes do you expect?”
Only now listening as a skill is getting all the attention it deserves. The need for it cannot be emphasized better than Oprah Winfrey:
“You can’t go wrong by showing interest in what other people say and making them feel important. In other words, the better you listen, the more you’ll be listened to.”
Happy Listening!
